His Secrets, My Pain

Welcome to the Freakshow, all survivors have a place here, so long as you behave.

Happiness and…Another Disappearing Act

I have been swamped in some of the best and worst ways possible. I’m extremely busy getting things situated with TRE (The Resource Exchange) so I can work as my son’s caregiver and go PRN (as needed) at my current job. I also mentioned before I do delivery driving as a 2nd job and I’d like to quit doing so. Work has been hectic and I’m just over it. TRE is moving faster than expected but still rather slow for my taste. Let’s be real, I have no patience with anything that isn’t my children. So the work front is insane and I’m still broke.

However, I have a friend I’ve known for about 5 years now. After an extensive game of “will they, won’t they” I feel like I’ve healed enough to give us a try and we’ve been dating for a month. It scares me how happy I am with him. I’ve been through so much abuse and toxicity in relationships that my traumatized brain is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe one day I’ll realize that it isn’t going to drop.

We’ve been so happy and just wrapped up in each other and our children (he also has 2 kids) that time is flying faster than either of us likes. We’re working and taking care of our kids. Coming up with plans and ideas for our future together which is so aligned it’s terrifying and exciting. His kids are in the same daycare mine are and they all get along well, they always have. The kids love each other and us, making this easier on everyone even with the growing pains.

I can’t believe how excited for the future I am, how much I love him, how safe I feel. I wasn’t looking for this. Quite the opposite if I’m honest. I was content being single just exhausted from all the grinding of my work life, raising the kids, the bajillion appointments and so on.

That’s all for now, a quick update and a reason for the absence. Until next time.

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Alice

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About

Welcome to my version of a support group. An anonymous blog about surviving anything wild your life throws at you. This blog is a combination of commentary about women in media, how they relate to real women today, and a memoir of my healing journey after a major life altering event, finding out I’m being cyber stalked, and getting hit with everything and anything a person can be attacked with. I use media and dark humor to help me cope and I love having discussions especially nerdy media debates.

I’m a newly single mom in my 30s, sultry and salty, I have two children and the mouth of a quick witted sailor. What can I say we use fuck like a comma in this house. My story is filled with trauma, pain, what sounds like a grim dark thriller side plot, and funny enough resilience, beauty, love. So what was my solution to the suffering? Create an anonymous blog to share my story and keep my identity secret from my stalker as long as possible.

I want this to be a safe place for the unsafe; the neurodivergent, victims of abuse, sex trafficking, painfully introverted people, those who did their time for their crimes and are still treated like trash, the wrongfully accused with life in prison, innocent with no one believing them and their days of freedom long gone.

That being said, I will be flinging satire and dark humor at you like the abuse my ex so wonderfully shoved down my throat. When you live like I have, the darkness becomes armor the humor an addiction you can’t ween off of, it becomes your coping skill and I don’t know about you, I love it.

This memoir meets commentary is going to be going into some of the media I love the most, the things that feel like they are coming true right now, that I relate to most as a woman on the edge. I think most of the women in child bearing age range can see how the Handmaid’s Tale is becoming a patriarchal wet dream turned reality nightmare with Fascism on the rise.

So I am here, offering a hand to those drowning, feeling alone, saying Welcome to my Freakshow, all are welcome here, as long as we can be respectful of others, no hate speech, no bullying, no soliciting. Feel free to stay anonymous or shout your name from the rooftops. Abusers will be immediately banned, I don’t tolerate that behavior, don’t ruin it for others.

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