His Secrets, My Pain

Welcome to the Freakshow, all survivors have a place here, so long as you behave.

Appointments Galore

I’ve been MIA again because I’ve been swamped with work, the kids keep having appointments for one reason or another, and I got attacked with garnishments again. So I finished the garnishment for the repo… I thought, a month of full paychecks later and they hit me again with a refile. This is after I set up an agreement to pay off about half of the credit card debt so they don’t come after me for all of it or in garnishment form.

This means I now have 300 dollars per paycheck going to debts I couldn’t afford to pay in the first place, 300 in taxes, and 200 extra per paycheck to daycare because it’s summer and I have my oldest every other week. My check was 1,000 dollars and I ended up paying 800 for daycare because my oldest is with me for two weeks. I just drained the 500 I had in savings so I can pay the bills and there is going to be maybe 10 dollars left over. I got so stressed out crunching the numbers as I have no idea how I’m going to make it now.

I was so excited because I thought I’d be able to work from home in the next month, turns out it’s going to be anywhere between 1.5 and 3 and I’m burned the fuck out. I’m exhausted and stressed and don’t know how to not think about it. I can’t change this, I can get another job as in a second job but that’s kind of what I was already planning and I’m already burned out. I don’t see getting another job keeping me sane but burning me out more than anything.

My plans to work for my son as his health care worker and be part-time where I work now are still in play but they’re going to take longer and be more of a keep me afloat type of thing than a get ahead type of thing like they were before.

Forgot to mention that this time I found out about the garnishment by payroll fucking up and paying 300 dollars to the garnishment instead of 150 like it usually was and getting told sorry can’t do anything about it. I’m just getting hit at all angles, no solutions and feeling like I’m not going to make it/ be okay.

I know I will but I’m in PMDD and feeling weak/ rage galore right now. I’ll figure it out eventually but for now? I feel like it’s the end of the world. Again dramatic but justified as I’m stressed and broke with no help. So what now? I’ll let you know when I figure it out.

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Alice
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About

Welcome to my version of a support group. An anonymous blog about surviving anything wild your life throws at you. This blog is a combination of commentary about women in media, how they relate to real women today, and a memoir of my healing journey after a major life altering event, finding out I’m being cyber stalked, and getting hit with everything and anything a person can be attacked with. I use media and dark humor to help me cope and I love having discussions especially nerdy media debates.

I’m a newly single mom in my 30s, sultry and salty, I have two children and the mouth of a quick witted sailor. What can I say we use fuck like a comma in this house. My story is filled with trauma, pain, what sounds like a grim dark thriller side plot, and funny enough resilience, beauty, love. So what was my solution to the suffering? Create an anonymous blog to share my story and keep my identity secret from my stalker as long as possible.

I want this to be a safe place for the unsafe; the neurodivergent, victims of abuse, sex trafficking, painfully introverted people, those who did their time for their crimes and are still treated like trash, the wrongfully accused with life in prison, innocent with no one believing them and their days of freedom long gone.

That being said, I will be flinging satire and dark humor at you like the abuse my ex so wonderfully shoved down my throat. When you live like I have, the darkness becomes armor the humor an addiction you can’t ween off of, it becomes your coping skill and I don’t know about you, I love it.

This memoir meets commentary is going to be going into some of the media I love the most, the things that feel like they are coming true right now, that I relate to most as a woman on the edge. I think most of the women in child bearing age range can see how the Handmaid’s Tale is becoming a patriarchal wet dream turned reality nightmare with Fascism on the rise.

So I am here, offering a hand to those drowning, feeling alone, saying Welcome to my Freakshow, all are welcome here, as long as we can be respectful of others, no hate speech, no bullying, no soliciting. Feel free to stay anonymous or shout your name from the rooftops. Abusers will be immediately banned, I don’t tolerate that behavior, don’t ruin it for others.

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