Trying to balance life in general is so hard. Trying to balance life as a burnt out single mom with a full time job and two special needs children is… A whole other ball game. I had an extra day off this week because I had to call off. Illness is running rampant in Colorado and it’s scary. The facility I work in has a nasty case of pneumonia running through it. The daycare provider was sick Wednesday, couldn’t reach the drop in center… Etc. I’m just exhausted.

I didn’t even have my oldest this weekend and I’ve still been busy as hell. I have speech, PT, and OT for my youngest two of my three days off, pick up my oldest most Fridays and drop him with his dad after work most Sundays. Not to mention working forty hours a week and being gone twelve to thirteen hours a day… It gets to be a lot.

I clean my apartment and cook the majority of our meals during my weekends because I’m too exhausted during the week to figure out meals and there’s been a few times where I just ate like shit because I didn’t feel like cooking and regretted every decision I’ve made the next day. To minimize my stomach rebelling (which it normally does) I eat healthier and know my limits. Today I cooked 3 meals for the week, didn’t eat anything except leftovers so far just to make sure I have food for the rest of my work week. I do pack sandwiches and such for my work lunches sometimes which is something Ive been doing for the past week or two to minimize how much I have to cook and it’s getting hotter, I’ll be eating less cooked food and more salads/ sandwiches/ making smoothies because fuck cooking when it is hot.

I did laundry like I do every Saturday, cleaned the kitchen and contemplated cleaning the Babyzilla’s major mess or leaving it for future me. I cleaned it and he was right behind me pulling out more paper for his monsoon, remaking the toypocalypse, and continuing to ground his snacks into the floor I just swept for a bigger crumbaggedon mess. I was so irritated but I got it cleaned up (for him to make a bigger mess three minutes later). I also clean the messes on Thursdays before and after therapy (start before, finish when we get home). It gets so overwhelming sometimes I don’t even want to shower or bathe the toddler. I still do it but I don’t always want to.

I say this because I know I’m not alone and this is a lot for families with two parents in the household as much as it is a lot for my single ass. Realistically, I’m doing everything I would have done were I still in a relationship minus the cooking with my last one, and I’m less stressed/ drained but more burnt out. I’m ready for a week vacation from my life and I know it gets easier when the kids are older but the two-year-old who doesn’t talk and is a walking tornado needs a swarm of housekeepers and he’d give them a run for their money. This is just me.

On top of that, the air quality is dog shit because it’s only March and Colorado is already on fire. Wonderful right? I can smell the smoke with my doors and windows closed. I went out to put the trash in the dumpster and the smoke is so thick I would have thought it was snow clouds or fog if I didn’t know better. The smell is interesting, it’s a woody smell instead of rubber or what have you but I’d prefer if there weren’t a fire at all.

Well the bathing the baby part got done as I was wrapping up this post. He stripped and I figured now was the perfect time. Until next time.