Being a single mother is working a full time job and doing everything in your power to make sure that everything you can to keep them happy and healthy. It’s being exhausted but still cooking and cleaning. Doing everything you can to make sure the kids have full bellies and a clean house to live in (even when they destroy it two seconds later). It’s making sure they get to their appointments even though you’re exhausted and don’t want to do anything else today.

I am exhausted, I am so busy I want to do nothing and sleep for a year. I still get up and go to work every day, get my little to his appointments, pick up and drop off my oldest every week and cook and clean my place on my first and last days of my weekend. Today was no different. I cleaned up toypocalypse, swept away crumbaggedon, put the paper massacre to rest yet again before bathing myself and the baby… Only for him to rip off his diaper and smear poop all over himself and the floor.

Of course, I immediately cleaned the turd monsoon off the floor and the child before taking out the trash for the 3rd time today… It’s so much. I do try to make sure I do little things for myself like doing my nails, taking baths, and so on. In 2 weeks I’m getting my first tattoo in two years which mmm yes I need it. Ink therapy for the win. I’m going on a women’s retreat at the end of the month and all this in time to celebrate my divorce being finalized on Monday.

As much as I can’t fucking stand court and I don’t want to go, I am so grateful it is almost done. I have been fighting for this for a year now and I’m happy to finally be done with it. Facing the asshole one more time and then never having to see him or hear from him again is something I can absolutely do.

And while doing everything alone and being swamped with work and things for the kids is…exhausting… It’s worth it. I love hearing my children laugh, seeing them smile, being able to spend the amount of time with them I do. I love that they are their own beings learning and growing and becoming their own people. I love that while yes, they saved my life, I am able to give them a better childhood than I had (no it’s not about me, it’s about breaking the cycle of abuse). I hate this hellscape I brought them into but I love knowing they will always have me to fall back on. That I will love and protect them as long as I live and that as much as they drive me insane, I will never stop fighting to give them a better life and a great childhood.