I have a post in my drafts right now that I need to edit but it can wait, it isn’t a life or story update, just something I noticed last night. I need to edit it and all that good stuff. I ended up having to reschedule my interview yesterday (can’t remember if I already said that). So I got myself there today and well…I don’t know. For all it’s worth it seemed to go well but I thought all four of the other interviews and follow up interviews went well. They didn’t go well enough for me to get a job. I also found out I can’t take the bus for this gig because of the hours so I will have to take the put put while I work on getting my car legal. I know there are people out there who risk it, I am just not one of them.

I am a follow the law to the letter type of person. I’ve never wanted to risk going into the prison system….still don’t. So put put it is! That’s if I even get this job. Yet another weird feeling interview honestly. I have to be really careful what I say if I get the job too. This is one that does not want to hear anything about your personal life. They feel it is a breach of boundaries. I myself am absolutely a Chatty Cathy type. I’ll tell you my whole life story if you want to know it. However, with what I have been through this year, I really don’t want to talk about me and my personal life anymore. This would be great practice for me to keep my business to myself.

I got some advice on my application that can help with future job hunting as well. If I don’t get this job. If I do, I will definitely need to get back into therapy, something I need to do for myself and the kids anyway, my oldest especially needs some therapies after the trauma of the past year and a half almost two years. I’m not saying my youngest being born was what cased it, I am saying his birth was a catalyst for some of the shit that happened. It wasn’t the babies fault, it will never be his fault. Having babies puts stress on relationships and that is definitely one of the things that happened, aside from Ex2 wanting to have a kid because he thought it would be easy then realized it wasn’t…I warned him, it’s not for the faint of heart at all.

Let’s be real I was going to leave him before I got pregnant. I got stuck with him and thought he would pull his shit together when he really wasn’t going to change for the better. As much as I am struggling, I very much will take what I’m going through over ever being with him again. I want to stay as far away from him as I can.

Either way, I’m doing this alone, I am nervous about work, I am nervous about child care, I am nervous about the car and money. I just want us all to be okay. I think the next few days, on top of intense job hunting, I will be getting a bunch more posts done. Talking about my trauma and how I’ve dealt with it, my strengths and short comings. Maybe a couple funny sarcastic posts because well ya girl is a salty sea sponge with plenty of healing that has been done and still needs to be done. My YouTube rabbit holes are not helping, they are causing creative spark overload. This platform is so dangerous for me and I love it. So much cool information at the tip of my fingers.

Well that’s today’s update, still no job, another set of interviews, and a million stressful thoughts running through my head. Goozfraba everybody, remember you aren’t alone, someone cares, we are all going through something major right now. If you feel like no one does care, me, I care.