Well I don’t think I got this job because I had to reschedule the interview. There was some miscommunication or something and I ended up not being able to go because my only child care ended up not being home. I can’t tell if I am actually upset about this or not. I feel pretty numb right now. Stressed to the gills but like really no other emotions. Though that could be the fed the fuck up ness of my mood. I’m no longer in PMDD and my red devil hasn’t made her monthly visit so I’m stuck in hormonal limbo going what now?

While doing so and attempting not to spiral, I am just applying to everything and anything I can find that I can reasonably get to with the bus or what have you. Something about I’m not ballsy enough to drive on expired insurance and a tempt tag that was specifically to get me to the vin certification.

I’m also sitting in the dark listening to nerdcore (Yeah, I didn’t realize my favorite genre of music had a name.) with the youngest trying to figure out what the fuck my life is and how I could have made so many mistakes that ended me up….well here. Not going to lie the nerdcore slaps and makes me feel better, though I went for some of my older favorites like The Cab and the Fray, started listening to Bad Omen’s and I’m a little obsessed. I’m glad the baby likes it too. He’s pretty happy as long as there is either something fun happening like cartoons singing but when he gets into a mood he demands I bellow along with them. Guess it’s a good thing I can kind of sing and am very okay with doing so.

Real talk though, is it just me that feels like the job market is just fucking with us? It feels like these companies are lying about the jobs to keep us running around like chickens with our heads cut off, meanwhile half of us are unable to pay our bills and about to get evicted any second. Too close to home? Not sorry. I’m right there with you my friend. To top it off while I was job hunting I got a call from my eldest’s dad and apparently my 7 year old isn’t adjusting to the new school as well as we were hoping. He said something not nice to another student and got sent home with a reflections packet….whatever the fuck that is. I’m glad he wasn’t sent home early or anything but like wtf kid it’s the second day of school!

So where did we leave off? Job hunting until my eyes hurt and I want to claw them out of my face so I don’t have to look at jobs that don’t want me anymore. I was tempted to apply for one of my previous jobs that I had 2 years ago. Started the process then stopped realizing if I don’t have a car I can’t work there. The shift they are hiring for is 12a to 8a… yeah there isn’t a bus in Colorado that runs that late and I can’t afford to Uber. That shit is so expensive.

Another thing I noticed, why does damn near every single job want a Bachelor’s degree? I understand therapy and such but I was looking at call center jobs that wanted a Bachelor’s…um wtf…why? If I didn’t hate Tik Tok and wanted to try and be famous I would be posting some unhinged rage bait on that bitch but like eeww no. I like to watch the commentators talk about that nonsense, I don’t want to be what they are reacting to. Thought about doing a goofy mental health awareness page, something light hearted but talks about the serious stuff and again….I don’t think it would be received well.

I got it, we use our heads to give the wall a high five repeatedly until w stop caring! Oh wait….I tease…mostly. Honestly, if I don’t find something soon the repeat of 5 songs/ movies/ games/ shows on constant loop is going to drive me insane. Anyone else have kids that hyper focus on a single obsession until they burn out and move on to the next? I’m just grateful it’s not Chappelle Roan and Sabrina Carpenter on repeat again. I wasn’t the biggest fan, they grew on me, now I want stab myself in the ears when I hear their music again I am so burned out on it….Lot’s of stabbing jokes today….oops guess that is just where my dark humor went today….every day. Who am I kidding….

Anyway, time to go listen to sad music and cry in the dark, cuddle with the baby if he so chooses. Here’s to pretending we’re okay while the world is burning around us.