*trigger/ content warning* this post discusses mental health disorders and eating disorders. Reader discretion is advised (apologies if I forgot to put this in any of my previous blog).

The last few days have been hectic to say the least. Yesterday was a bit much. Started out with a sleepless night, well not sleepless just 5 hours instead of 8. I used my scale which has been giving me issues for a few days and when i say my crazy as was on one yesterday….I mean it. I didn’t turn werewolf I turned straight up She-Hulk. I’ve been waiting for the read wave to hit for days that hoe bag is taking her sweet as time. Anyway, I thought I’d toss the scale on the carpet, not to hurt it, just ya know, just beat some sense into it with a forceful love tap. I didn’t have it very high off the floor but it doesn’t matter, this is where I went rage monster and shattered it. Yep shattered the damn thing into a million pieces. Oh look, the consequences of my own actions.

It’s funny now but in the moment I bawled because, what the actual fuck? Why did I do that? It was such a small thing but in my mind it wasn’t. I’ve been in recovery from my eating disorder for a month after a relapse. I was really proud of my progress, and wanted the scale to show it, the uneven flooring in my apartment makes it a whole dance figuring out where the flattest spot is and so on. So yeah, I ended up being fucking stupid and raging out on an inanimate object. I don’t take it out on the kids, I just fester and end up snapping at one of my inanimate objects, which I will take it. I am trying to keep the monster at bay but when the PMDD hits I can’t always control it. Talk about your Dr, Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Syndrome. At least I cleaned it up immediately and got a good workout in in the process.

I had an interview yesterday and they pushed me through to the second round of interviews, my next one is on Monday and I had an interview for a different company today. I will find out more tomorrow, honestly I want the job I have the second interview for Monday, it’s a better job and closer to me. I am also just desperate for a job right now, I might have to take the one I interviewed for today, if they even want me. I had two recently that didn’t go as I hoped.

I also didn’t have time to post yesterday, bug was needy as hell and would not leave me be. I usually write when he is napping, that didn’t really happen yesterday. If I try to while he is up, he is into fucking everything. A few months ago he destroyed one of my Harley Quin Rebirth comics because I stopped giving him my undivided attention for a split second. The feral child is fast, sneaky, and silent when he wants to be. He wasn’t feeling great lately either, he went from a crazy growth spurt to a small stomach bug and now he’s just back to insomnia. Going on 3 days of 5 hours a night, gross. I am exhausted and moody as can be. When the red wave does finally hit it’s going to be a bad one, I can already feel it.

Random note, my allergies are going haywire more than usual this summer, that also affects my PMDD (research is showing that PMDD is like an allergy to your hormone fluctuations) I have taken my allergy meds every day, and while it’s helping the PMDD and the allergies, they are both still pretty fucking bad right now. I’m not a danger to anyone but the fucking scale, and not even, that bitch is D-E-A-D dead. I’m just having to focus really hard on things like my breathing, make sure my thoughts don’t go rogue and turn dark, and well try to keep the stress down in a time when the world feels like it is constantly on fire. So the usual.

I’m off to go do some dishes before dinner and binge watch some more YouTube, maybe try to work on my derpy boy while the little is sleeping. Bye for now, and remember that you aren’t alone. Your people care, we’re all going through the ringer in this, the late stage of capitalism.