I wanted to do a funny post about the messiness of mom hood and some of the utterly audacious things that happen. I come up with fun names for the messes like crumageddon or the toypocalypse and when the 2 year old discovered paper and an old workbook from last school year, well let’s just say he lost his marbles and went a little nuts. I couldn’t help but discuss this madness, as I’m sure other parents or anyone who is around young children a decent bit would be able to relate to this.

My living room, no, the whole apartment really looked like a war zone. Had those papers been painted red it would have looked like a blood bath, a crime scene, the “worst” massacre of history in the space of a 2 bedroom apartment. It was wild! And the blood curling screams from my toddler when I tried to clean it, you’d think Godzilla was ready to release the radiation breath it was so exaggerated.

I shouldn’t be surprised, this child popped out of the womb being overdramatic and cute as a button. Biased I know, but I get stopped by strangers to tell me how adorable he is. Any who, the Baby Kong’s reign of terror was coming to a close and of course he had to attack the paper planes we made the previous few nights, check out Playing Paper Planes, for more about those. While I was in their bedroom cleaning, I save the living room for last when I clean the rest of the apartment ’tis the toddler’s domain and we keep it that way for now, he managed to find a couple of the paper planes and destroyed them in a matter of seconds. It took me seeing the stickers we used to secure them on the the toddler to put two and two together that he got the planes when my oldest wasn’t looking.

R.I.P. the Mable and Stan plane, the Donut plane, and the Dinosaur Truck plane. If that wasn’t bad enough the little monster went Tasmanian Devil on my behind, basically retraced my steps into their bedroom, and demolished the couple of scraps I left behind. I had underestimated this child’s love for chaos and destruction, and he wanted me to know as much. This child bulldozed his way into the bedroom, attacking every scrap he found, throwing toys, stuffed animals, play tents, everything in his path. Stitch levels of destruction in a matter of seconds. It is truly impressive how fast my ADHD/ sensory children can get from “ooh TV” to “OMG what is that shiny thing!”. The sheer focus on something they want to do and utter lack of ability to listen if they don’t. I don’t think I would get as interesting of posts if they weren’t though. I can’t say I have met another toddler that is as truly determined to fuck shit up as this one is, so far the other parents I talk to haven’t either.

This child has a one track mind for destruction and chaos, he is more clingy than his brother was at that age, and boy is he lazy until he wants something. He damn near skipped crawling trying to run, popped out of the womb trying to support his own neck, refused to try to learn how to turn, then just rolled over one day, same with sitting up, though he had a little more trouble with that one. He was already running laps around his play pin by the time he hit a year old. Won’t try to talk unless he is stimasaurousing at me, and will absolutely yell strung along sounds that can be made out like phrases such as “No, I’m not” or “but I want it!”

The paper shredding continued for about an hour as I was tidying up the living room and trailing back to the bedroom finding the carcass confetti of paper bits multiplying faster than I could keep up. I’m sure I didn’t get every bit of paper remains, doesn’t help that as I clean the oldest pulls out more workbooks from first and second grade. Leaves them out for a shiny new distraction vulnerable to the next terrorist attack in the form of Toddler Paper Killer.

I might have to start saying they are the great paper massacres of each month or state that it spanned a course of days, weeks, months. We will see what happens, I am trying to keep the massacres at a minimum, you wouldn’t believe the random paper cuts a tiny scrap can give you. Ouch. Honestly, as funny as the story is to look back on, I definitely camp it up a little telling it, not that I really need to, these kids are cartoon characters of their own merit. This was really frustrating in the moment, I was stressed trying to get the apartment clean and everything loaded up, look back at Child Free Weekend, Anxiety and Straw for a little bit more context about all that, but now that I am out of the moment, it was hilarious, my child looked like a drunken Stitch, swiftly and very clumsily scurrying around behind me messing up my cleaned spaces. That’s life with any toddler, mine is just a little more determined than most.

Remember you aren’t alone, in the moment a situation can suck or seem stressful and at the time it absolutely can be both. After it ends, you can breathe, distance yourself, sometimes you’re lucky and it becomes a funny story and one of your favorites to tell. Things like this make mom life that much more worth it to me because as much as I would love for my home to stay clean, to be free to do what I want when I want, be responsible for no one else. I get to be busy giggling and growling, rawring at my kids, writing post about it and telling stories of the Great Paper Massacre. It is these moments, these little moments that make the difficulties and fears worth facing. It’s the peaceful mornings watching Bluey before the chaos starts, the cuddles, playing games that are more fun with a child’s imagination and innocent eyes. It’s knowing that I am breaking the cycles for future generations, giving my children the options and opportunities to live how they want. Encouraging them to be happy and successful, I just want them to feel loved and cherished, to know I am always here, even if I’m not there in person.