Today started out a bit rough, I woke up to both kids up. I’m giving my oldest a med free day as suggested by the doctor and oh boy, he has been wild. I’m not surprised, he’s ADHD as I’ve mentioned before. I had a phone call I had to do and he is still super in to the paper airplanes so I told him if he was good we will go get more paper and stickers from the dollar store when the babe gets up from his nap. He was thrilled, paper plane factory it is. Good thing I like making these things or I would be annoyed that I am making so many. It’s fun though, we have some popcorn so I’m thinking about watching a new movie with the babies and doing a popcorn and candy night.

Summer is upon us or at least the early summer heat is. It’s been getting up to 80 degrees outside, I’m in Co, 80 degrees Ferin height is hot okay. I also just don’t do well with heat. All of my sensory issues act up and I hate it. I haven’t been diagnosed with some of my issues but they are comorbid with some of my other issues and my oldest getting diagnosed confirms I have it too, ADHD is in the genetics, most neurospiciness is. Anyway, I feel like crud the last week or so with constant heavy storms and humid aftermath with the heat, I’m uncomfortable. On top of it the children are clingy and feel a little off too, weather affects all three of us. I also want to mention I am not a morning person, the kids are. I definitely need at least an hour or two to wake up and that is minimum.

If it were up to me I would be up all night and sleep all day during summer. I can’t, the children are up by 7:00 A.M. At this point we’re about to go to the dollar store, I will update you guys when we get home. Ta for the moment guys, yes he was good and got a prize.

It is now the next morning, we got crazy busy when we got home and I didn’t have time to update the post. We got home and immediately started decorating the planes again before we threw them for another couple hours. Note to parents struggling, paper planes are my life savor right now, as someone who doesn’t have a lot of money. We didn’t have to go spend any money and I did spend too much at the dollar store grabbing a couple other things we needed, but stickers and paper planes made out of old school work have kept this kid entertained for hours. I spent 3 dollars making planes, that was on stickers. We couldn’t find the paper we were looking for and decided to forego it.

I did buy some dollar store candy, a pop corn bucket, we had popcorn and soda at home already. We got “A Minecraft Movie” and had an at home movie night. I bought the movie it was 20 to rent or 25 to buy and I knew he would ask to watch it again, which I was right. He already begged to watch it again, he calls it “The Steve Movie”, which I think is super fucking cute. Money well spent, my 2 year old is sitting there cackling right along his brother. Movie has kept them both entertained for hours and I am here for it. I love Jack Black, Jason Mamoa, Danielle Brooks, and Jennifer Coolidge.

They both fell asleep fast when the movie was over. Won’t lie I did too. Woke up because my room felt too hot and I was in pain, back issues from both pregnancies, these boys both loved laying on my sciatic nerve in the womb, pregnancy overall was rough, labor worse, I’ve talked about it before. Anyway, still not feeling great, a little slow moving today, have some things to get done for myself, reading and resource research mostly. Mentally, I’m okay, still overwhelmed overall, I will be for a while, life is really wild and the situation still pretty fresh. I’m grateful that we are mostly stable though and I can’t wait for that weekend coming up. I love them, really need a break to take care of myself for a couple nights, sleep in, just not be needed.

I will be staying with my friend this childless weekend, just to keep an eye on her. She would also be alone that weekend so girls spa and craft date it is. I’m looking forward to it and I can have some alone time and space at her place for sure. It’s different helping her vs caring for beings I am responsible for around the clock.

It’s now closer to dinner time, I started working on the rest of the post mid morning and the kids were clingy as can be. They are up my tush about everything. I have to keep physically pushing my oldest back gently with my hand because he is getting in my face 3 times per interaction, asking a million questions. The baby is drooling, warm, and wants my attention constantly as well. Going as far as following me to the bathroom and trying to get me to cuddle with and hold him while I am trying to pee. Ya know, mom life.

I won’t pretend that it is easy, it really isn’t. I want to scream and rip my hair out on more than one occasion but I haven’t. I did yell a little, get overwhelmed, but I went outside for about a minute to just breathe and collect myself. I apologized and explained that I am not feeling good or trying to yell, I just get overwhelmed when they are both all over me while I am doing stuff. Neither child is scathed or mad at me. I realized the PMDD is kicking in, I am cramping and feeling like I am sweating no matter how cold it is today, it’s under 60 degrees and I’m sweating like it’s 80, gross I know. Between my PCOS and PMDD, I am cramping, tired, and crying over nothing and everything. I’m a little more cranky than usual too, that was what gave it away. My temper and my hairpin trigger with overwhelm. I feel like there is a cyst either forming or ready to pop as well, I’m really not sure.

I’ll keep you posted on the PMDD craziness as it unfolds over time. So far, not too bad, I feel physically crappy more than anything, still pushing through however. Gotta fake it ’til you make it sometimes, cliche, annoying as hell, true as fuck.