It’s been a wild few days. It’s been a bit of a blur, there was a doctor’s appointment for the oldest, a new patient appointment, he’s healthy! We do need to do some blood work and a heart ultrasound to be safe with his ADHD meds. He has severe ADHD and some sensory issues, ya know normal kids these days. I wasn’t surprised when he got his diagnosis his dad and I are both ADHD as well. After the doctor, the kids and I ran to file paperwork for the divorce, mailed it to the ex’s lawyer, she then called me shortly after and I told her the financials were in the mail. She confirmed that he is, indeed, dropping my son from the case and backing off of his claims that he is the father, thank goodness, I didn’t feel like getting dirty in this but I would have if I needed to. That all happened Friday, there was about 13 loads of laundry done earlier in the week, helped my friend prepare for surgery, etc.

Saturday was a bit nuts, I ended up having both kids all weekend instead of just my youngest, we made it fun. I ended up spending most the day relaxing with the kids, felt like crud from all the storms happening, my chronic illnesses is kicking my ass with the storms and the humidity. It’s warming up again too, meaning the grossest months are coming, I have a love hate relationship with summer, I love the nights, hate the hot ass unbearable days. My skin crawls in summer and it feels disgusting. Sensory issues are the worst. Swimming and summer activities can be fun though. Anyway, I learned how to make paper planes for my oldest yesterday, I didn’t feel great, I could sit up long enough to get the planes made though. I made 6, they immediately got launched around the apartment for hours, the Booga insisting I play planes. I had to, he insisted.

Today, I woke up before the kids, took a soak in the tub with some Epsom salt and YouTube, binged a little more YouTube when I got out and the kids woke up, cleaned the kitchen a bit, the oldest helped me build a kitchen rack, ordered groceries, then put them away and made dinner. After dinner we went to throw the planes some more. I made up funny sayings like “mmm, nah I wanna go heerree.”, “I saw a duck so that’s what I did”, referring to a rubber duck on screen when the plane dove under the tv, “Nah, I’d rather land” or “Oh what’s that?”. When I couldn’t think of more funny things to say, I ended up putting all six planes between my finger’s and yelling “paper airplane showers!” as launched them all in the air at the same time. Booga loved it, begged me to keep going, giggling like a maniac, and we did for a while until he wanted more planes and bed. I lost count of the growing hoard of planes by around 15, I got fast at folding them, Booga is fascinated and Bug loves watching us launch them, being silly the whole time. That was all we did until bed, got him ready for bed, read a story, he’s currently asleep, I’m working on getting the baby down as well.

All in all it’s been a good week as crazy and busy as it was, I knocked a lot of things off my list and I can start fresh tomorrow morning. I have a lot to do still but it’s for TANF and other things. I don’t have much in way of court besides wait for what is next, shouldn’t be much which is good. I went from 3 maybe 4 court cases to 1 and it is now a simple no kids divorce. When all of this is over, if I ever make it big, I am taking the kids on a 2 week vacation, I know for sure I’ll be taking a mommy rest weekend, I need it. Being a full time parent is hard when there is two of you. It’s harder when there is now one of you and you have one of the two kids around the clock, no breaks for 3 months or longer. I have a lot of respect for anyone who has ever been a single parent, I know it isn’t easy. Honestly, I always have. My dad was a single parent in my teens and my mom a single parent when my sister and I were little until we were 2 and 4. This isn’t my first time being a single mom or my longest either. It’s definitely my hardest stint of single motherhood. That isn’t to say I don’t love my children, I do, that’s what makes the difficult parts worth it. You know playing paper airplanes for hours is what I live for, it made them smile.

Doing this alone, with mental disorders and chronic illness isn’t easy I’m pretty open about these issues, I’ve mentioned my PMDD a few times, with it comes PCOS, then there’s trauma, etc. deep diving into all that is for other posts. Being a parent in general is challenging, and the extra challenges of one less parent and the other stuff… it get’s hard to breathe sometimes, no lie. When you’re neurospicy with children of the same pedigree, your days get wild. I love them more for being special needs, it makes them more unique, I think. I didn’t ask for this, I would have preferred we all not have to struggle in day to day life, but I wouldn’t change these frustrating little hellions for anything. They wouldn’t be my sweetest of little monsters and I wouldn’t be having a blast making paper planes with my oldest or giggling at whatever new stim the baby came up with. I love my babies and their wild personalities, I will always cherish that I get these amazing moments with them. Even if at first, I felt like death warmed over (something my dad used to say) and didn’t care to learn how to make them. It was worth it, a good distraction from my sensory hell, and so fun to play planes with my kids. Learning new things for them makes them happy and that is all I want, I also love learning new things, it’s fun. Maybe next time we can pretend they are shooting stars and make some wishes.