Why is it that our children are a blessing and a bit of a curse. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. As hard as being a single mom is, it’s those little moments, the sweet moments, the at peace moments that are the most worth it. When you’ve comforted their tears, stroking their hair as they fall asleep, are sweet and innocent once more. The moments when you’re playing and they giggle or their face lights up and they call you the best mother in the world for the small stuff, like a new pair of pajamas, playing zombie in the dark, or watching their favorite movie for the hundredth time. Seeing the light in their eyes when they are building with Legos, finger painting in the tub, or making mud pies to share with their imaginary friends.

Then there are the moments that make me want to sell them to the monkeys for a pile of bananas like they tried to in Rugrats Gone Wild. The days when they are screaming, crying, making messes of everything. One of the days that my youngest child made me the most crazy, was the day he ripped up one of my comics hidden on a shelf behind a massive toy. Oh I wanted to beat him for that. My oldest is “mom.”, “mom”, “hey moooom” all the time. They are both wild and hyper, they drive me bat shit crazy. They are needy and clingy being special needs, they need more attention and I am just one person. Any circus in need of a monkey and a ring leader? These kids would be wonderful at it.

In all seriousness, as much as I need a break, I love them and I will make it work. I am closer to getting child care, closer to getting on my feet, closer to freedom financial and otherwise. I look forward to the fun things I can take them to do, the movies, skating ring, trampoline park, you name it. As the baby is getting older, he’s getting to the age where that stuff will be fun with both kids. They’re just as stir crazy and lonely as I am. I know they are. That’s why we stayed with a friend for a couple days (I say that like we aren’t still here. We’re going home tomorrow or Sunday). As wild as the kids are this helped them both chill out a little. The oldest gets to go outside and play on the trampoline, the youngest discovered how to climb stairs and get back down, only fell once and it was down one or two of the stairs not the whole thing, he was fine, little rollie pollie. He will climb up and down the first few but if he gets to the top he sits and cries when he is ready to come down.

My friend and I sit here and roast the kids when we’re outside and out of ear shot as way of venting. They are insane and challenging and she has two of her own. We roast because we love, the kids throw it right back at us. We need to do something to feel better and not want to hurt them when they push us past our breaking points, like every child does. I swear they install half the buttons they decide they like pushing. Again, blessings and curses.

Do you have children? What do you struggle with most? Are yours special needs too? Do you go into overwhelm with your children? How do you cope? Remember, you are not alone. Comment your experience below.