Bittersweet Moments

4/16/2025

Bittersweet Moments

Today is my youngest’s birthday. Happy birthday baby! It’s bittersweet, this is the first one for either of my children I am celebrating as a single mother. While I am thrilled to have my babies, they are safe, happy, healthy. I couldn’t ask for more in that regard. I feel like a shit mom, the little one is only 2 so it isn’t like he will remember this birthday other than that mommy and their older sibling were here. With all the appointments, court, the event… I didn’t have the energy or money to really try and pull together a party or anything. I’m going to make dinner of course, I’ve told him happy birthday and I love him. He’ll be happy and have a great day.

But I know I didn’t do something super special and it HAUNTS me. Stupid, I know. I shower him with love and affection. That is what he cares about. He’ll play with a box before he gives a new toy a second thought. Am I raising a child or a cat? Anyway, extra snuggles and music today are a guarantee, I just wish his dad could be here too. We all miss him, I don’t think I can even say me the most. Him being gone, my situation isn’t the only reason the moment feels bitter sweet.

This is my last baby and he’s growing up so fast. Don’t get me wrong I’m not a big fan of the baby phase. It’s really hard work and my poor body can’t handle it long term. I love my babies and as much as I don’t miss baby stages, I miss the sweet moments of babyhood. I also can’t have more kids. Both of my pregnancies were high risk and I almost died in labor both times. Needless to say, I got my tubes removed for that reason. I don’t want more, but the fact that this is the last 2nd birthday is sad as much as it’s something to be celebrated. Happy birthday my sweet boy. Mommy loves you. Here’s to many more birthdays getting to watch you grow up in the most perfect of bitter sweet moments.

If you want a special post about my difficulties with labor and pregnancy, let me know in a comment below or send me an e-mail. I’m happy to share my story for awareness and talk to anyone struggling with their own situation. I promise I don’t bite, often…or too hard….just that once but it was an accident I swear! Or was it. (;

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Alice

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About

Welcome to my version of a support group. An anonymous blog about surviving anything wild your life throws at you. This blog is a combination of commentary about women in media, how they relate to real women today, and a memoir of my healing journey after a major life altering event, finding out I’m being cyber stalked, and getting hit with everything and anything a person can be attacked with. I use media and dark humor to help me cope and I love having discussions especially nerdy media debates.

I’m a newly single mom in my 30s, sultry and salty, I have two children and the mouth of a quick witted sailor. What can I say we use fuck like a comma in this house. My story is filled with trauma, pain, what sounds like a grim dark thriller side plot, and funny enough resilience, beauty, love. So what was my solution to the suffering? Create an anonymous blog to share my story and keep my identity secret from my stalker as long as possible.

I want this to be a safe place for the unsafe; the neurodivergent, victims of abuse, sex trafficking, painfully introverted people, those who did their time for their crimes and are still treated like trash, the wrongfully accused with life in prison, innocent with no one believing them and their days of freedom long gone.

That being said, I will be flinging satire and dark humor at you like the abuse my ex so wonderfully shoved down my throat. When you live like I have, the darkness becomes armor the humor an addiction you can’t ween off of, it becomes your coping skill and I don’t know about you, I love it.

This memoir meets commentary is going to be going into some of the media I love the most, the things that feel like they are coming true right now, that I relate to most as a woman on the edge. I think most of the women in child bearing age range can see how the Handmaid’s Tale is becoming a patriarchal wet dream turned reality nightmare with Fascism on the rise.

So I am here, offering a hand to those drowning, feeling alone, saying Welcome to my Freakshow, all are welcome here, as long as we can be respectful of others, no hate speech, no bullying, no soliciting. Feel free to stay anonymous or shout your name from the rooftops. Abusers will be immediately banned, I don’t tolerate that behavior, don’t ruin it for others.

LinkS

@hissecretsmypain.bsky.social‬