Are you a horror fan? Why or why not? Horror wasn’t really my thing until I was 13 and had my first romantic heartbreak. My parents had been shattering my self-esteem for years, this was different. Life hasn’t been easy for me, I haven’t hid that fact. Horror movies scared the pants off me when I first started, something I became addicted to when I got over the initial paranoia it provided. Don’t start with a movie featuring demons in mirrors if you are scared of the world behind them. Couldn’t even look at my reflection for like a week.

In a time of numbness, my anxiety disorder and chronic depression started young, yay trauma, I was able to feel fear when I watched the movies. It was a reprieve to feel something other than the hopeless pit of despair constantly swirling around in my gut. I was hooked, my dad wasn’t a fan, more of a superheroes and comedy type, I watched whatever I could get my hands on. I miss the time of crazy Netflix B list horror movies, there were some gold nuggets among the insanity.

Why am I talking about this now? Because of course, I turned on one of my comfort movies, Scream pick a number, 5 was what they had on Paramount+, so stream baby stream! It helps that scream is one of my all-time favorites. Scream 2 ended up being my first ever horror movie when my cousin found in a stack of old VHS tapes and played, I was 3 or 4 so the movie had only been out a few years. She thought I was sleeping, I was at first. I won’t pretend she didn’t have a major affect on my interests, she’s the reason for my love of some of the dark shit I’m into, like Invader Zim and Scream.

When she’d babysit we would stay up watching VH1, Fuse and MTV. Legit my childhood was partially shaped by sneaking up to watch true crime documentaries with my grandma and late night music with my cousin… Okay I am starting to make more sense now. This just started my love of creepy things, the teen years really shaped it I would say. My love of true crime runs deep, my mom and grandma were just as obsessed. Now that I think about it, they both love spiritual self help books and psychology too. Ah damn, more like them than I realized.

That’s okay, I broke the other cycles, like abusing my kids and doing drugs. I will admit i drink too much coffee, enjoy my fair share of Mary Jane, and vape like it is going out of style. It’s the only way my unmedicated ass can function, these days, I don’t really trust big pharma, I will do it my way. It doesn’t keep me from holding down a job or functioning, just means I am spending money on this instead of meds. Less expensive I would say and I’d be using my vices with meds, speaking from experience.

A lot of horror, thriller, and drama connects; the similar themes and such. I love the way a movie can have a main story and 3 sub plots with metaphor, allegory, symbolism and more. Scream, being the goofy meta commentary it is, isn’t just a straight forward slasher, it’s a love letter to horror making fun of all tropes while turning their own tropes on their head. Like having Tera survive the first act to become a final girl in Scream 5 and 6, or the 2 back to back deaths and 4 Ghostface killers in the 6th installment. Or the Babadook turning grief and postpartum depression into a physical being taking over the mother and causing the death of their precious pooch.

I love animals more than humans, their death scenes in movies always bug me, don’t ask how I reacted to the cat in Smile. The neighbors almost called the cops I screamed so loud.

But why horror? I relate to it more than anything else, that and comedy, Carlon is one of my idols, my humor is close to that of Ilza Shlezinger meets Daniel Sloss and Anthony Jeselnik, that’s right dark and fucked up meets absurd and willing to laugh at myself. I learned safety in the darkness and beauty in the macabre. Since I was about 16 the fear wore off and I found myself falling asleep to the relaxing sounds of murder mysteries and whatever horror movie I left in the player when I could no longer fight sleeps embrace.

I kid you not, when I have a service with Deadly Women on it, I welcome the soothing tones of Candice Delong and Janis Amatuzo explaining why this particular woman did what she did. 14 seasons isn’t enough I need more. There is something comforting in knowing I’m not the only one living in American Horror Story waiting for it to change genres. I am not alone.

So tell me sweetheart, what is your favorite scary movie?